How Controll Affect a Growing Child

 

In psychology-related slang, the term control describes a person who attempts to dictate how everything is done around them.

Control persons are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities  in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak's pattern is broken, “the 
 Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness ... but feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves.

Every child is different, but for me it had profound effects throughout my life, and still does. It took me years to process what happened to me. When someone doesn't show, you love, you don't learn to love. That doesn't even include the physical abuse, mental abuse, or sexual abuse. Permanently walking away from my abuser helped me the most, but I think any child will have long term effects.

During the medieval times in Europe, corporal punishment was a very common and usual practice. Children were called miniature adults and punishment was believed to be the only way to tame them. Sadly, corporal punishment is still practiced.

"when I was at 6 years of age, my mum will slap me because I left her hand in the middle of the road and started running across the street"

The above situation is acceptable. This is a form of conditioning. Whenever a child does something which is not at all acceptable (like the one given in the example), spanking the kid once is alright. If you get lenient there, the kid would do it again.

"my mum hit my 8-year-old with a wooden rod because I didn't finish my dinner"

This is absolutely unacceptable, and if done repeatedly, it would fit the definition of physical abuse. Everything that physically hurts the child such as hitting with something, burning, pushing, pinching, etc. comes under physical abuse. This form of ill-treatment to children is very common at homes and schools as well.

Now coming to the point, how does it affect a child?

When a child is physically abused, it creates a lasting impact on the little one's brain. 

You might have heard of children who have issues with their academics. They don't seem to be able to perform well. They just wouldn't care. They don't do it on purpose though. There are other types of kids who have behavioral issues. They seem extremely cranky and demanding or extremely shy and reserved. Some kids on the other hand prefer to stay aloof and don’t make many friends. Such kids have trust issues.

Why are there such upheavals amongst these kids? Physical abuse is the answer. Such is the intensity of the damage physical abuse can cause to a child.

But it doesn't end here.

When these children grow up, they continue having psychological issues. Following are some mental disorders associated with child physical abuse:

-Depression: a state of mind producing serious, long term lowering of enjoyment of life or inability to visualize a happy future.

-Bipolar Disorder: a psychiatric diagnostic category, previously called manic depression characterized by mood swings between great energy and depression

-Borderline personality disorder: someone who is not clearly on one side or the other of a decision, an indecisive person or ambiguous.  

-Narcissistic personality disorder: a personality disorder characterized largely by an over-inflated sense of self-importance typically caused by unbalanced parental valuation during childhood

-Eating Disorders: a psychological disorder characterized by abnormal eating habits

-Social phobia: inability to socialize.

-Dysmorphia : a psychological disorder whose sufferer believes that their body is wrong or not in good shape.

And so, on ……...

All of this chaos can be prevented if parents and educators stop beating up children for unreasonable reasons and use simple operant conditioning methods. If a behavior is followed by a reward, the frequency of the behavior increases. However, if the same behavior is followed by a punishment, the behavior is less likely to occur.

Punishment here does not mean beating, spanking or hitting a child. If you want to punish a child, take away his favorite toy for a week, or don't serve him his favorite fruit loops the next morning.

There is a huge difference between conditioning a child and physical abuse.